Tagalong Tandem Blues

Dear Abbner,

I have been seeing a girl for a few months now. Or, to put it more accurately, I've been seeing TWO girls.

It's not what you might think. The girl I've been seeing insists that her friend go with us wherever we go...to the movies, dinner, the beach, or just hanging out. She says that they are best friends, do everything together, and has even hinted that for our relationship to go to the next level, the friend has to sign off on me. In other words, I have to get the friend's approval.

This friend doesn't have a boyfriend or even any prospects. She's introverted, doesn't contribute much to the conversations, and is really more of an anchor dragging down what could be a fun relationship.

Is there a way I can change this dynamic and get some alone time with the girl I am actually interested in seeing?


-Doubled Up In Deerfield





Dear Doubled,

This is actually an easy one.
Usually a situation like this is caused because the girl you like either isn't sure about you, or isn't sure about herself around you. It will ordinarily go away with time as the relationship matures.

Occasionally it's just a test to see how far you can be pushed.

And every once in a while it's an arrangement to wheedle some extra meals out of a guy.

Since this doesn't seem to be going away, you'll need to be more proactive and change your focus.

The first easy answer is to enlist a wingman to run interference with the mouse. And not just on double dates. Your guy has to cull the herd with plans to take quiet girl to a different dating venue on the same night you plan to take your date to a special place. This isn't just manipulation. If you've watched a steady diet of chick flicks, you know the normal RomCom ending is your buddy winds up in a hookup with the wallflower. (For a reference, see "When Harry Met Sally.")

Your other option, especially if you don't have any buddies available, is to become your own wingman.

Start paying attention to the quiet friend. A LOT of attention. More attention than you're paying to the girl you actually want to be with. Start talking about this other person in every text and phone conversation.

If possible, get the other girl's phone number and start calling and texting her as well. Get to really know her.

When the three of you are together, be sure to remark on how attractive the girl is that day, or pay some other compliment. Make sure they're legitimate praises, otherwise this will blow up in your face.

When it's time to take the girls home from the date, drop your girlfriend off first, then take the other girl home. Walk her to the door if possible. Don't make a real move or try to poach a kiss, because that will make you a cad and will likely result in you having no future dates with either one.

If you play this right, your girlfriend's natural tendencies toward jealousy will appear, and SHE will make the decision to put the kibosh on this dating tandem, leaving you unblemished.

The third option is to go ahead and date them both. Of course, only the Great Clooney (blessed be his bachelorous name) can actually pull this off successfully. But if you're destined to crash and burn anyway, you might as well make it a glorious explosion.


^Abbner


If you have a question or need advice with a "male perspective" on relationship issues, behavioral issues, dude etiquette, or the best penmanship techniques for writing your name in the snow with yellow ink, e-mail your questions to dearabbner@yahoo.com.