Getting Your Best Friend To Like Your New Girl

Dear Abbner,

Beauregard (Bo for short) has been my best friend for 10 years. Wherever I go, Bo rides shotgun. He goes hunting with me, we go fishing together every other weekend, and we never miss an NFL game. (Bo's only fault is that he's an Indianapolis Colts fan, but as his best friend, I try to look past that.)

He's the kind of friend who, no matter who is responsible for the gaseous smell that arises halfway through the third quarter of a Niners game, he'll quietly take the rap for it.

For the last few years, Bo and I have been sleeping together. He's staked out the foot of the bed as his domain, and tends to growl whenever a female visitor tries to take his spot.

I've started to become serious about a girl I met at the tractor pulls a few months ago.
Bo's been slow in warming up to her. He's chewed up three pairs of her underwear in the last week, and wizzed in her purse twice. (She's learned to put her purse on the table these days).
She's hinted that she wants us to take our relationship to the next level, which I suspect means she's tired of riding in the back seat on our trips to the lake.

Any suggestions on how I can get my Chesapeake Bay Retriever to accept my new girlfriend?


-Dogged Out In Dover



Dear Dogged,



Your retriever HAS accepted your woman. He even likes her...how many times have YOU chewed on the panties of a girl you didn't like? Only once, I'll wager.


In Bo's strictly hierarchichal culture, your woman comes in third tier, and whizzing on her belongings shows her this, and rightfully so.


The real question isn't about your retriever accepting your woman. It's about YOU accepting your womans' stepped up relationship interests. I sense ambiguity like a fart in a honeymoon suite. You both know it's there, but nobody's talking about it. Well, leave it up to ol' Bo to bring it up.


Your dog's front seat position is really about your simple batchelor lifestyle vs. the mysteries of life with a woman in it. Better men than you and I have wrestled with this one, so don't expect me to handle it in one column. Suffice to say that if Bo likes her, and he does, though he may prefer Peyton Mannings shorts even more, you could give it a fair trial.


-Ab