I'm a thirty-something single girl looking for a guy to share my life with. I've been single for almost two years.
I've dated, and let me tell you I've found every cretin and lowlife this zip code has to offer. I've covered the spectrum, including guys who still live with their mom, guys who are unemployed, guys who don't have a car, guys who think haute couture is a t-shirt with a band name or a pithy saying like "Got Beer?" on the front, guys who want to spend the entire date talking about Cal Ripken's batting average, and my all time favorite, guys who think they're worldly because they "go Dutch" on every date.
How and where do I find a decent guy in this day and age?
-Dateless In Dubuque
Dear Dateless,
This is an easy one, and requires a simple, three word answer:
Lower. Your. Standards.
You're easily discarding some potential keepers because of preconceived notions and guidance from other females who will turn up their noses at any guy who doesn't happen to be George Clooney (who, by the way, as an actor is unemployed about four months out of every year).
Look deeper.
A guy who still lives with his mom is obviously a caring, warm guy to whom family is very important.
If having a guy with a job is critical, you've just ruled out about 10-13% of the male population, depending on the most recent federal statistics and where you happen to live. Also, think of it this way: if a guy doesn't have a job, yet he's still willing to spend some of his extremely limited coin on you, he sounds like a keeper.
Now guys with band names on their shirts are actually a boon for you. Don't think of them as shirts, think of them as labels to help in your decision-making. For example, if it's a cool vintage band like Aerosmith, Van Halen, or the Rolling Stones, the dude has taste, like one of those snooty toads in the soap operas who know which wine to pick based on what year they were bottled. If the shirt hawks Eminem or 50-cent, beware because he's going to have issues with bitches and ho's. And if it features Air Supply or N'Sync, simply fix him up with Steve, your friend from the salon.
If your date is spouting batting averages and free-throw percentages, sink your hooks deep into him and don't let go. For starters, it shows he's loyal. Also, a good memory means fewer forgotten birthdays and anniversaries for you.
As for the dudes who "go Dutch," meaning you pay for your own meal and he pays for his: you've actually hit the jackpot. He's sensitive to women's causes that insist females should be treated as equals. Also, he's good with money, a real plus for potential husbands. He's also telling you that he's a gentleman and not expecting sex at the end of the date in exchange for that surf and turf on your plate.
As for where to find guys, datable dudes are everywhere. You can't sling a dead cat without hitting one, as long as you don't work for a day care center or Headline News.
Bars can be a target-rich environment, as long as it's one that doesn't feature Karaoke or line dancing. Car races and tractor pulls are good bait boxes, as are gun shows. Sporting events that involve physical contact like football, baseball, basketball, and NASCAR are good, but figure skating and gymastics will be a waste of your time. Also, avoid churches. (Men attend, but usually only after being forced into it by an insistent spouse or girlfriend, or if still paying penance and seeking forgiveness after the LAST relationship).
Dress well, have fun, and don't be so judgmental. Let down your guard and open yourself to new experiences. Remember that "Mr. Right" doesn't have to be "Mr. Perfect."
^Abbner
If you have a question or need advice with a "male perspective" on relationship issues, behavioral issues, dude etiquette, or the best penmanship techniques for writing your name in the snow with yellow ink, e-mail your questions to dearabbner@yahoo.com.
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